For a very long time, I wished I could do it alone. I believed that most of the relationships were a waste of time. And trust was overrated. I believed that it counted as openness if you shared shocking things; doesn’t matter that there was no heart in them. I believed I could pass as vulnerable sharing some of my history but never truly opening up or really giving a piece of my heart to others. I didn’t think I could trust people. So, I tried to do it alone for a long while. I hope I can build semi-relationships where I was there for others but never gave a chance to be there for me. It took me years to start slowly trusting people, to let my guard down, and to actually be vulnerable instead of pretending to be one.

As kids, we bond so easily – give a toy, maybe a hug, and tadaaaam – you become friends. With time, we build walls, we become more complex and it becomes more difficult to build friendships. Maybe because we lose ourselves, maybe because the world hurt us one too many times. So, it’s not enough to give away your toy; you need to give away a piece of your heart. But it’s scary, maybe even painful. So, we force people to jump through loops and hoops (at least, this is what I did) and when they pass all unimaginable levels, eventually you are okay to give away that piece.

But I am trying to change that pattern. I am learning to trust, let go, and see what happens. Because I want to expand my village. And I have one that will hold me and care for me if anything happens. Some of them are more of a success than others. Some people stay there forever (maybe not, because I am not dead yet but long enough), and some of them are just passers. I give different pieces, and they take different roles. Some of them are gentle and kind, while others give more of a tough-love vibe. Some of them are healers teaching me how to love and be kind; others are my warriors who not only fight for me but also with me to do better. There are annoying siblings who prod and poke you but will stay there no matter the difference. And wise women who show what grace, and earned wisdom is. All of them are my villagers. Some come, some go, some change roles. All of them with a piece of my heart.

I believe that relationships are like like my horcruxes – you give a piece away and it stays there forever. But no relationship is a one-way street. Now, I realise that it is more like a forest – I need to make sure that the soil is right, and that there is enough sun and rain. I need to help the relationships grow. But they will give back. When I give away a piece of me, I will get a piece back. When I let the people in, they will put stronger roots. And that is the beauty of the relationships. Good ones never make you smaller. They help you to expand. It took me years to understand that trust and vulnerability don’t mean disappearing into someone else. It means exchanging pieces of each other’s hearts and becoming someone new in the end.

I am a completely different person today than I was 10 years ago. And I couldn’t have done that or changed so much without the people in my life. They are teaching me day after day that I am not alone. That my quirkiness is special and can be loved. They are my strength and my power. They are my safe haven and kindness. They are my dance partners and continuous inspirations. They are my village. And there would be no me without them.