In most countries, in most circumstances girls are taught to stay quite, respectful, wait for their turn and everything will work out. You are taught to stay be calm, hide behind the scenes and wait, because that is a proper way of being a girl and that’s the only way to get love, acknowledgement, success. That’s the message that is enforced by our parents, school, society at every step when you are growing up. And yet, that’s not how the world works.

When I was growing up, I was punished for speaking up, for arguing, for questioning status quo. And then when I grew up and tried to apply this behaviour, I was unnoticed in class and my questions were left unanswered. I had trouble getting participation points, because I rarely asked or expressed my opinions in class. At work, I was told that my passions and dedication are unclear, because I rarely asked or said what I wanted. So, I grew up and had to learn the hard way that life doesn’t work as I was taught. It rewards the ones that buys the ticket, that tries, that puts themselves out there. While boys were celebrated for that or at least not punished for that, the girls apparently got a different set of lessons and learnings. While it was okay-ish at school, it’s terrible at workplace or anywhere else for that matter when you are a grown-up. When girls are taught to be quite, it becomes challenging to completely change yourself when you are a grown-up.

You have to be firm, set your boundaries, ask for what you want to succeed. So, women have to re-learn everything that they know about what is a good and celebrated behavior. You have to learn to speak up in a meeting, ask for what you need when you are at home or in the office, to celebrate your own successes, to ask for a raise. There is no one who will do that for you. You have to be your own cheerleader. But no one taught you the moves.

And I am one of many who doesn’t know them to that secret choreography. So, you try to guess them, mimic them. There are days when I am more successful than others. I am getting better to stand for myself be that home, work or friendships but celebrating me for me, asking for help, putting myself out there with a risk of hearing no – even if that’s only asking for a table at a restaurant – is still a challenge. I calmly stand and wait until someone notices. Sometimes people do but everyone is busy and have their own battels to fight.

So, we need to fight – or maybe stand would be a better word – for ourselves. That’s the toughest lesson that I have to learn these days – be the best support possible for myself and ask for things that I need. While logically I know that I am responsible for my future, it’s difficult to carve out the path for myself. It’s difficult to ask attention for myself and to acknowledge that I am doing something well or even ask to be evaluated by others. So, I hide, cross my fingers, close my eyes and hope that someone will notice.

But I am done closing my eyes. Or I want to be. Hence, I have a challenge for myself. To share this, to ask for attention (or love to put it in nicer terms) and maybe with time I will learn the moves to the choreography. Oh, and while I am on the topic, could you spread the love if you like it? Or share your thoughts if you don’t like it?

Just a little girl trying to grow up and be bold.