I am slowly growing into my skin and dancing is my fast-forward button for it. I am naturally anxious, and I find it challenging to remember that I can just be me – the quirky, nerdy, kind, funny, childish, bossy, smart me. And it’s not up to society to define who I should be. One of the few moments when I manage to do it is when I am dancing in my living room, forests, empty streets; basically, where others can’t judge me because I am still a chicken 🙂

I get intimidated in dancing classes and I have to say I had a bit of bad luck with them so far. I did folk dancing for years but rarely enjoyed it; tried salsa for a bit but the sexist teacher didn’t do it for me. Concerts are slightly better but it takes time to get in my freedom bubble or I just snap out of it in the middle of the concert. So, my solace is loud blasting music and me just jumping around in the living room. Some people do meditation, yoga, or whatever other seemingly zen activity, I would choose dancing every time. When I get overwhelmed, when I am inexplicably joyous, and when I am sad, music comforts me and dancing uplifts me.

Part of it is the silliness of the inner child when you just let it out and move as if no one is watching. I am definitely channeling a bit of Phoebe kind of running at those moments. But probably the biggest part is freedom. I try to control so much in my life and act all proper and reasonable, and loud music for me just cuts that bullshit out. Rythm just takes over, clears my mind, and gives me a moment to recharge. If you are a gamer, it’s like drinking that special elixir that gives you an extra kick. That’s dancing for me in real life.

However, as much as I wish to always feel okay in my skin and live to the fullest, that’s still a journey that I am taking. But when dancing in a living room, I can be me. No one is judging me for how I move, and no one is judging me on my rather eclectic music taste. So, for now I choose to dance in here and once in a while branch out to the empty street, office or forest. Tho, I do hope that one day I will be strong enough to have the same kick around other people just like I experience it at home.

And for those who are listening, here is my eclectic playlist – appropriately named My Jams.